So currently I am on holiday from uni for easter and it has made me realise how different I am at home compared to when I’m in Leeds where I study. Don’t get me wrong I love the course I’m on, and the city, and my halls are lovely. But I feel like when I’m at uni my personality is completely replaced by anxiety and depression and this makes me the LEAST fun person to be around. As a result of this I have (or at least felt like) been losing friends and too scared to make new ones. My social anxiety has manifested into social paranoia; wherein I constantly feel like people only interact with me out of pity.
Edinburgh is the place where I know my friends genuinely value me and seek out my company and so here I feel safe and loved. It’s wonderful. I can only get upset by the thought of having to leave.
It’s 6:30AM and I haven’t slept. I need a big change in my life, both physically and mentally, because I can’t keep on like this. I’m hoping that if I update my progress on that on this blog then i’ll be less likely to give up.
So, that is my promise to you (the internet). I am going to make big changes and try and feel like myself again and you can hold me accountable if I don’t! Stick with me and watch the disaster play out. I’ll keep you updated, GOODNIGHT(well morning)
Also I pray to God that no one from University finds this because I DO NOT want to have that conversation.